The woman who married three times soompi Korean

The second wife: if the partner was already married

August 17, 2018 - 3:42 pm

The second woman: In the shadow of the ex-wife

One hears and reads a lot about the suffering of those poor women who are with a man who was already married and from this relationship has children with another woman. To be the second woman always means, one would think, that one is also in second place. The man has less money because he has to pay to the first family, the man may not want any more children because he already has three children. The man receives his children on the weekends so that one cannot fully enjoy life with him. And sometimes the ex-wife calls at a really inopportune moment and accidentally says that she wants to speak to "her" husband. Her successor hits the ceiling.

You can tell from my formulation that I believe women have accidentally slipped the phrase "my" husband out of it. I am inclined to break a lance for the first woman. A lance of humanity.

Since 2008 there has been no support for the ex-wives if the children are older than three years. So hardly any woman still benefits materially from a separation. In this respect, the second women cannot complain. Most of the time she has to see how she gets by, the child support is not enough for three people. It's a hard life. But I don't want to talk about money.

I see everywhere that the second women are usually very dominant and like to patronize men when it comes to their way of life. There is an honorable reason for this: they often think they need to protect the man from the first woman. Because mostly it's the women who have left. The second women consider the first woman to be heartless because she sent the man into the desert, because he told how it threw him off course. The women didn't send anyone into the desert, at home it was already desert, desert of feelings! Men don't notice that. They go out of the desert voluntarily, but only when they have found a new lady in their hearts. Even if they are crucially unhappy in their relationship, they hold out until the new relationship that they have been secretly leading up to then leads to a secure future.

This is how the ex-wives feel about it

Women, on the other hand, have the courage to leave when the marriage is broken. Even without the prospect of a new partnership. That has its price. While the ex-husband has long been in steady hands, the ex-wives are often single for a long time. Because women are simply more demanding. Being single may be a relief in the beginning, maybe even fun. But after a few years, fun is over. You sit there on the weekend, do the laundry, twiddle your thumbs. And then the children come home from their ex, raving about how nice it was there, because a weekend dad is just a great dad. Sure, you rarely see him, he forbids you almost nothing, closes both eyes in every respect. Peace, joy and pancakes. And the new wife is also much happier than mom.

Ouch. The first woman has the whole day-to-day life on her cheek, plus the job, then still no loved one in sight to build her up and kiss and love her. Isn't it understandable that these women sometimes feel like a maid? Like the nation's cleaning rag. They broke up because they wanted the big thing in life, now they are left empty-handed. Most of the time this emotional doldrums are temporary. Then a new man comes along and the Cinderella existence is quickly forgotten.

But during the gray phase you can't see the end of the tunnel, I know that from many women. So at this point I ask for your indulgence for the ex-women, who are often left behind and suffer, not just the new women.

Anyone who thinks that because of this need the ex-wives do not accidentally tell their successor that they want to speak to "their" husband may even be right. But I call for gentleness!

Because: All women are in the same boat, each one is sometimes the first, sometimes the second woman.

That's life, that's love - your Birgit